yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
