dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Randomize
