I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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