i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
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If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
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I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY