Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.