Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
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Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
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For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam