Dual....:-)
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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