How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
21 Bartenders That Are Definitely Winning At Their Jobs
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT