i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Guys Hate When Girls Do These 29 Cringeworthy Things
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
25 Men Confess The Moment They Knew They Wanted To Marry Their Wife
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?