Operation Purity has been aborted
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?