I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...