i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.