My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
