Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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