her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
