I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
