I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
17 People Who Prepared For Spring Break The Right Way
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
21 Distraught People Found Out They Had An STD
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Is Oprah even human
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.