It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.