Is that why you're texting me
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.