bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
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You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
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SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?