his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
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