Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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