I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
