There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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