Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I will pee on everything he values.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
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