you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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