thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
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