We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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