Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Randomize
