My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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