Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
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and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
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I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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