I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize