well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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