Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
