would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
