matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
