So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
