dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
