can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
