Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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