grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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