i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
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