drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
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