I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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