So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
