why didn't you poke me back
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
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