What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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