i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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