I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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