glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
