My liver just broke up with me...
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Randomize
