Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
