The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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