I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
My ATM looks so different sober.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
