I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
