We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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