i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.