I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
