just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
