in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
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