your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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