Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
