It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Randomize
