the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
