She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
