is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
