we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Randomize
