Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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