She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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