i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize