Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
